I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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