be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
