Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
