I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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