she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
