If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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