i don't like sucking hair
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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