i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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