my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
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