I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
