I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
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