There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
