She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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