i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Randomize
