just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
