so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
