Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
