dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
So squirting runs in the family.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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