pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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