There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
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