Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
