another moral hangover. fuck.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
