Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
