I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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