Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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