he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
