Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
