is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
