He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
