i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I need a beard to bite.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
