he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
