It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
