he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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