So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
