there was a trapeze. enough said
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
