She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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