I'm jealous of your bromance
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.