so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
