And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
