My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
