the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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