I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Randomize
