This dress was meant to end up on your floor
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
