In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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