Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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