this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
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