He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
