so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
