I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
