His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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