my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
