You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Sober January is a disaster.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
