I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
