Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
