So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I'm both gender and math confused
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
