I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I am mentally ready for anal.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
