I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
