I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Randomize
