Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I think your dad took our porno
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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