I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
