im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
