our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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