thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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