She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
So squirting runs in the family.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
