i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize
