I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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