the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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