my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
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I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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