Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
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i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
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it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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