were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
