Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I'm passing your future prison.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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