So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
