I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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