he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
