i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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